Gloria

Last night was my fall dance recital. Our class was dancing to "More Wonderful" by Aaron Shust. It's a very worshipful song, speaking all about how undeservedly amazing God has been to us. But as I was dancing it, I wasn't thinking about God at all. Every once in a while I would throw in a "God, You've been good!" thought. But He was not the sole focus of my dance. I was thinking about choreography. I was thinking about making sure I wasn't hyperventilating. All of these are important -- but afterward, I didn't have the same rush that usually comes from dancing. I felt flat and empty, like I had expended energy for nothing.

I was sitting with my class, twelve six- to eight-year-old girls, thinking about this as I watched the rest of the performance. The experience echoed what I've been going through for the past few weeks. I've been spending time with God, but I haven't truly been feeling Him. And I was so frustrated. I wasn't being touched by any of the dances as I usually was. So I stared asking questions: "Why am I not feeling You, God? Why am I so empty? What do I have to do to hear You?"

The answer came so quickly, so clearly, that I wonder even now if I imagined it: Ask.

So I did. Watching the little baby class, who spend most of their time waving at their parents and telling each other what to do, I told Him, "I want to feel You!"

And I did. The words Junior Asparagus was singing went straight to my heart, and I realized how close God is to me, even when I don't feel Him. And all of a sudden, I was crying, experiencing the closeness of God so deeply, so freshly, so strongly.

By the time we reached the final dance, which all the classes participate in, my heart was singing. I will never forget how it felt to dance that final dance. I felt so alive, so beautiful, and so close to God that it's impossible to forget.

Has God been feeling distant lately? Has His embrace become so common that you don't even feel it anymore? Ask Him for it again. Ask Him to hold you tighter. He may push you out on a limb and ask you to trust Him so that you can see once again how great He is and how much He loves you. Because He does love you. And He wants to be near to you.

A Joyless Generation

Earlier this week, sitting in my literature class, we started discussing whether or not chasing happiness is futile. Is joy merely a phantom? Is euphoria, or temporary and fleeting pleasure, all we can expect until circumstances rob us of our happiness?

One young woman, for whom I have been praying earnestly, ended a long, sad story about the impossibility of happiness by saying, “Life is disappointment after disappointment after disappointment, and that’s all we can expect from it.”

Sadly, many of my classmates agreed with her. My eyes filled with tears as I studied the girl’s face, so proud of the popularity of her point, but with another emotion hidden behind dark, intelligent eyes: a stifling hopelessness.

I had to bite my lip to keep from blurting out, “Joy is not a phantom! It doesn’t have to slip out of your grasp just as you seem to reach it. It doesn’t have to be just around the corner. It can be right now, whatever your circumstances. Even if the entire world falls, you can still have joy!”

If I had told them, how many would have believed me? How many would have wanted to know about the hope I have in Christ? How many would have cynically written off my declaration as “acting happy”, but not being truly joyful? Would the teacher have understood? Would she have cut me off and said, “Let’s stay within the realm of the text,” as she has so many times before?

I’ll never know. My mouth remained closed, my eyes brimming as I listened to high school students who believe they will never, ever be happy.

But how can I keep quiet when there is so much hopelessness in these students? What does it matter if it’s relevant to the text? What does it matter if the author never mentioned God – why can’t I? God is relevant to everything, and I am getting so frustrated with being forced to keep quiet. With being cut off. With being told that my point doesn’t apply. It makes me want to cry, and I do cry. How can I not cry for a broken world who may never be given the chance to hear the Word of God, because those who would speak up are told to be quiet? When did God’s Name become taboo?

God blessed me in spite of my silence, and He gave me the opportunity to talk with this girl about how God delights in us, quiets us with His love, and will hold our hand and walk with us through everything we go through. I did it in an academically-related context, so she wouldn’t feel threatened, or feel that I was preaching to her. But if I could have without frightening her away, I would have cried with her and told her that her circumstances are nothing compared to God’s mighty power.

If I could have, if I could have spoken uninterrupted, I would have told my class that “with [God] is the fountain of life; in [His] light we see light” (Psalm 36:9). Meaning no matter the darkness that surrounds us, in God’s bright light, in His radiance, light will shine into our circumstances. I would have shared that, “When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought me joy” (Psalm 94:19). That the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, and peace. And I would have told them that there is a God who is willing to take their hand, and show them beauty from pain.

I would ask, I would plead with you, that you would be praying fervently for two things: First, for the courage of the Christians in public places to be unafraid to speak their mind, and to share Christ with a lost and dying world. For He called all to be with Him. He chose each and every one of us when we were created. He’s waiting for the world to choose Him. And secondly, please pray for our generation. Pray for those who believe happiness is something unattainable, that will be approached, but never reached. Pray for a hope to be planted in their hearts. And pray for the circumstances they are in, that make them think this way, to be redeemed, that they would be the means of drawing these people to Christ.

“Let him bury his face in the dust – there may yet be hope.” (Lamentations 3:29)

Everyday Beautiful

I've envied her my whole life. Peaches and cream complexion. A round face framed by light brown hair that glows golden when the sun shines on it. A nose that's not too big, not too small, and slightly turned up just at the tip. Deep brown eyes and thick, long lashes.

Of course, I'm talking about myself. Myself on a good day. Myself, the way I look about once a year, and usually on a day that nobody sees me but my family.

I don't really mind the way I look on a daily basis. That's not what this entry is about. It's just that about once a year, I look in the mirror and understand that at that moment, I am beautiful. And I don't get that feeling every day.

I've envied her my whole life. Quiet and respectful, but not afraid to speak up for what's right. Gentle and considerate of everyone she sees. A smile for everyone, no matter how odious. A girl with a deep, abiding peace and joy that overflows onto the people around her.

That's me, too. On a good day. Once a year. Usually with no one but my family around to see how completely in love with God I am at the moment.

And I do have a problem with not being that way every day.

The Bible says God never leaves us or forsakes us. If that's the case, why do we sometimes act like He's not around? Why do we doubt His presence, or ignore His commands?

I think it's because we walk away from Him. Something else captures our attention. We see something we want, are distracted by something shiny, and we forget we have a marvelous, amazing, adoring God who wants to hold our hand and walk with us. We simply turn and are no longer basking in His glory. The Son is no longer shining in our hearts.

And how do we fix it? Jeremiah tells us that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. So let us draw near to Him. Even when we don't want to, and something else seems better, realize that it's not. Jesus is the only thing we need. He is beautiful every day. He always wants to be near us.

So let us fall more and more in love with Him! Pray for a deeper adoration of Christ. A pure and holy passion, a magnificent obsession with Him. And the more you learn of Him, I promise -- the more you will want more of Him. And from Him shines a beauty that does not fade. That is visible every day.

Jesus does not work in our lives on just one day a year. He is there every day. He will make you beautiful every day. Just ask Him to.

When Thou Saidst

I have a strong, severe, crippling fear of going back to school. Not because I'm afraid of the work. Not because I don't like getting up early (though I don't). The reason I am afraid of going back to school is that I'm terrified I will lose God in the hustle and bustle.

It's happened the past few years. Each day, I get so caught up in assignments and friends and the drama that comes along with high school, that I forget to pray. I drift farther and farther away from God every day, until I sink into depression. And to be excruciatingly honest, that depression almost made me into a cutter one year.

I do not want that to happen this year.

I have been praying with all my heart that I would never let go of God's hand. And when I do, I'm praying He'll still hold mine, and pull me back. I'm praying that I would feel His love so keenly, so wonderfully, that I would never be able to walk away. That every moment of every day would be spent with Him. That I wouldn't drift. That...

Okay, so I've been praying so hard that it seems almost impossible I could forget to pray again. But it's happened before. So I'm going to start a new routine, start getting some accountability, and making everything in my world revolve around my relationship with God -- instead of my relationship with Him depending on what's happening in my world.

He formed the stars. He shaped the mountains. He holds the entire world in His hands -- He can hold me.

Psalm 27:8 declares, "When thou saidst, 'Seek ye my face'; my heart said unto thee, 'Thy face, LORD, will I seek.'" I will begin every day by choosing to see God at work. I will begin every day with a prayer. I will walk with God through my day, and end it with Him. This is my declaration, my earnest cry to God.

Thy face, Lord, will I seek.

A Justified God

John Milton, the author of Paradise Lost, wrote that his goal in writing this epic poem was to "justify the ways of God to man."

Guess what. God didn't need Milton's help to be justified. God doesn't need anyone's help to justify Him. He can do it just fine on His own.

Last night, I had a little run-in with God. I read something in Scripture that I believed contradicted what I thought God's nature was. My journal was filled with angry ramblings, such as, "If that's who You are, I don't want to serve a God like that." My journal entry ended with tears and a demand that God justify Himself to me.

Don't ever ask Him to do that unless you really, truly want Him to.

This morning, I was going about my everyday activities, putting ice in a glass for my water and getting ready to make a birthday cake. And my mom turned on an online sermon. With my hand in the freezer, the rest of me froze as I heard the pastor address the specific question I'd had. I felt all tingly as he explained, pointing the listener back to an all-knowing, all-loving God.

Of course, it was the pastor talking, but I knew that God was talking directly to me. What made my mom turn on that teaching this morning? She almost never listens to this man unless we're having home church. Was it pure coincidence that I was in the kitchen this morning because I had a cake to make? I think not!

I've heard stories of people asking God to prove Himself, and His response. I experienced that this morning. God justified Himself. He didn't ask me to do it for Him. He spoke through somebody I've never even met. I could've jumped around and shouted and danced for joy, because in that moment I was more certain than I have ever been, He is good! He answers prayer! He is real! And I can never forget that.

Don't flippantly ask Him to justify Himself. If you don't need Him justified in a certain way, what's the point of asking? But the next time you have a huge question about Him, and about His goodness and love and omnipotence, go ahead and ask Him. He can take it. And He will amaze you with His response.

Unconditional Obedience

Recently, I have been spending much more time with God. I wake up and read a Psalm in the morning, then journal my thoughts; at night, I do the same with a chapter from Romans. I have loved these times so much, that I wonder why I never did it before. It refreshes me so much to spend time with God! My prayer journal is quickly filling, much more rapidly than it ever has before.

And something that I've been discovering while God reveals His wishes to me, is that there can be no "but"s in our prayers. "I love You, Lord, but..." "I surrender, God, but..." "Have Your way, but not with..." I reread an entry in which I had penned the words, "I choose You, God, but..." But what? But my way is better? I think not! "I choose You, no matter what!" That should have been my prayer, my declaration.

I have been asking God what He wants me to do with my life. And I think He's told me. I can't tell you how I know. But as I was praying, listening to music, and reading both the Bible and a Christian book, I knew what I was supposed to do. And I'm pretty sure this dream comes from God and not my own selfish desires, because it is the exact profession about which I told my parents, not more than a month ago, "I will never do that." When it first came to me, that was my response again. I came to God with all my excuses: "But I'm not strong enough. But my heart can't take that. But I'll fail. But I'll let You down."

And He replied, "Yes, you will. You will fail without Me. But I am greater than you, and I will carry you."

And somehow, that odious profession is now incredibly near and dear to my heart. First, though, I had to lay down my will. I had to give up my dreams for God's dreams. Unconditionally. No, "Here's my will, but don't change my mind about what I want to do. I'd like to handle that part, please." No, "I give You all of me...but don't make me do that." Just, "I choose You."

Will you choose Him today? Will you give up your will for His, even if it means shattering dreams that have been near to your heart for years? Will you exchange your plan and the life you wanted for the life He wants? He won't let you walk blindly. He'll take your hand, and when you're too weak, He'll carry you. He promises us unconditional love; let's give Him unconditional obedience.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." -Psalm 48:14

The God Who Hears

Every day, people in Japan gather at Miyajima Island to worship and to pray. As they worship, they bow to someone who is not there. When they pray, they pray to a nonexistent deity. Or they pay to pray by writing their request, taking a number, and opening a drawer that contains their answer. Then they tie the prayer to a rail, where they hope that their purchased answer will come to pass.

Can you imagine anything more heartbreaking?

The people of Japan are broken, are dying, and they need a hero and a Savior. They know that something is missing, and they long to fill that void. They search, they beg, they pray -- but they pray to wood and stone, or to the empty air. They give up their money to write out a prayer to someone who will never hear them. They bow to an empty room, cry to someone who cannot dry their tears.

My heart breaks for these people like nothing I've ever felt before. They long to be filled, yet they are faced with emptiness. The evil one works in the hearts of the Japanese, trying to claim them for his own. But there is One who can draw them to Him. There is One who hears when they cry out, One who cries when they cry. He longs to fill them. He longs to be their everything. He wants them to know that if they pray to Him, their prayers will not be in vain. Talking with Him is not something that can be purchased. His answers don't come in a numbered drawer that is selected at random. His responses are personalized, they are special, they are for the person who prays. They are part of His plan. He doesn't need them to be tied to a rail so that He can hear them. He just needs them to be spoken to Him so that He can step in and answer. He wants to hear them so much. He wants them to feel His love.

Our God hears the people of Japan! His heart breaks when they look for fulfillment from an idol. He weeps when an island, which is the tiniest fraction of His beauty, is proclaimed a deity. He wants them to know, He is the Lord! He can fill them, He can love them!

He is God, the only God who hears. He is the only One who can answer. And I long for everyone to know that. They may be filled with something when they worship a false god, but it will not be the all-consuming love of God. It is not what they need; it is not from the Lord. It will leave them. God will never fail them, never abandon them.

Please join me in my pleading for the Japanese people. Pray for the few Christians -- less than 1% of the population -- in Japan. Lord, give them boldness to proclaim You. Let the hearts of those throughout the world desire to share Your love. Let them know that You are the God who hears. Speak through us, Lord, and let the whole world know Your glory!

A Hope and a Future

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

That is a verse that every dreamer clings to. And nearly everyone I know around my age is a dreamer. We all want to know the plans God has for us, and when we can't see them or understand them, that verse is a precious comfort. We know that no matter what, He will do what is best for us. All we have to do is follow where He leads.

But that's a problem for me. How do I know where God is leading? What am I supposed to do with my life? I read His Word, and I listen to the council of those around me, but I still sometimes feel that I'm walking in a dark room with just an occasional glimpse a few feet ahead of me.

Entering my junior year, I'm beginning to be required to make decisions about my future. What do I want to major in? Where should I go to college? I have so many interests and passions that it becomes difficult to narrow it down to just one or two. With a heart for justice and a knack for computers, I could be very happy in computer-related criminal justice. I'm passionate about history, and the people of the past who shaped our present. I pour myself into music for hours every day, and I could have some hefty scholarships if I work hard this next year.

I'm a bit overwhelmed. Not only do I have to figure out what I'm going to do in the future, but I want to maintain a healthy relationship with my family. After seeing both my brothers go through a period of "teen angst" and sometimes feeling a little rebellious myself, I have to be in constant prayer to keep up a respectful, loving acquaintance with my parents and siblings. I don't want to become an angry, distant teen.

So Jeremiah 29:11 is extremely relevant right now. I just wish that knowledge of the "hope and a future" weren't so elusive.

Another promise I cling to is Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" I don't think God meant that we would be hearing an actual voice shouting, "Hey, you're going the wrong way! Turn around!" I think He meant more of a quiet, gentle urging. I think He meant He would speak through our circumstances and the people around us. Through His Word, His people, and His Spirit, He can lead us along the path we are supposed to walk down.

But even when we have someone telling us what to do and where to go, we don't always go there. One of two things can happen: Either God, who is with us in the "car" of life, tells us which way to turn, but we think that turning the other way looks much more pleasant. So we ignore Him and go our own way, just to find ruin and sadness at the end of the road. Or, we spend some time with God, get our directions, and run off and leave Him at home. But everybody knows that even the best directions can be misread. Without Him guiding us as we go along, we're much more likely to get lost. We need Him to be with us at every moment, directing us at every intersection. We can't get some direction, then leave Him behind.

So I would urge you to tune into what God is saying to you today. It may not be a momentous, life-changing decision, but it could very well impact you or somebody else. Listen to the advice of the godly people around you. Read God's Word and pray for direction to understand what He's trying to say to you through the Bible. And never forget the still, small voice that is God's gift to you. It will never leave you, though you can tune it out. Don't let that happen. Even if it feels like you can't see a foot in front of you, God still knows where you're going. Just trust Him to guide you around the dangers and to lead you into light. You don't have to see the whole picture at once; after all, what would be the mystery in that? Listen with all your heart to what God has to say. He has a hope and a future for you, and He doesn't want you to miss it.

To Be With You

I just sat here for about five minutes staring at that ominously blinking cursor. You know, the one that says, "You have nothing to say. Why are you sitting here?" without even making any noise.

I hate that cursor. And a lot of times, I hate it when I have nothing to say. But there are a few times that I think being at a loss for words is a good thing. When we close our mouths and open our hearts and just listen, that's when we learn. That's when we grow. That's when we're truly walking with God.

Micah 6:8 says, "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." This verse speaks to my heart in a different way every time I hear it. And this time, it whispers to me, I want to walk with you.

That's what God wants. He doesn't need our fancy prayers, or our large donations, or our high-and-mighty friends. He wants our hearts to be close to His. He wants to be with us! Can you imagine?? The God of the universe calls out to us, "I will quiet you with My love, I will rejoice over you with singing!"

This is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I was sitting in my church's balcony yesterday, looking down over all the people who were there to worship, and thinking, There's no way He could notice me among all of them. They're better than I am; they seek Him more faithfully; they love Him more fully; they serve Him more diligently. But He is the God who rules over all, and He can stop the world and just spend time with me. The hand that holds the world holds my hand, too!

All that is required of us along our walk is to humble ourselves. We simply need to lower our heads, so that He can lift them. We only need to acknowledge that He is greater, and we are lesser. He is our strength and our song. When we hunger and thirst after Him, He will fill us up!

Take a moment and let the cursor blink. Close your eyes and give your heart to your Heavenly Father who will never let you down or let you go. Because while He fills your heart with peace and joy, you're giving God the best present you can give.

A Breaking Heart

This week, I am helping out with my church's Vacation Bible School. I'm a second grade counselor, and have been having the time of my life trying to control thirty-four rowdy seven- and eight-year-olds!

There is one boy in particular who has been breaking my heart. For the sake of this post, I'll call him Evan (not his real name).

I'd been having trouble with Evan all day. He had come with a friend, and the two of them would not stop talking. With a look at the friend, he would be quiet, but Evan would continue to whisper loudly. We clashed quite a lot this morning, over seemingly small things -- nametags, sitting up straight, pencils, screaming...

But after music time, after the rest of the second grade had left and I was about to follow, I saw the friend standing in the pew behind me. "Why won't Evan get up?" he asked me, looking down at the floor.

I told him to run along and I would get Evan. I quickly ascertained that there was nothing wrong with Evan; he had just decided not to obey the teacher. Assuming he was simply being his rebellious and troublesome self, I stood over him for a minute, just looking down at him. He glanced at me, then hid his head under the pew, sighing heavily.

"What's up?" I asked. There was no response.

I offered my hand, and to my surprise he let himself be pulled up. "Let's catch up with the others," I suggested, and he followed me out of the sanctuary back towards our room.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked while we walked, noticing that he seemed unusually quiet. And despite his dislike for me, he was holding tightly to my hand.

After a very long pause, he said, "It's just, I always feel weak whenever I'm in a church. It happens every time."

I didn't know what to make of that. Was it simply an excuse for his misbehavior? Was he unused to being in a church, and young as he was, frightened that he would be judged? Isn't that a symptom of being possessed?

I had positively no idea what to do, regardless of which explanation was correct. So I did what came naturally. Before we rejoined the class, I led him into a quiet corner and asked, "Would you like to pray about it?"

Still holding my hand, he looked at me like I'd gone crazy. "What?"

"We can pray that you wouldn't feel weak when you're in a church."

He avoided eye contact and looked out the window. "I don't care."

"You don't have to pray," I assured him, "but do you mind if I do?"

He shrugged, which I took as a yes. I began to pray for Evan, that God would infuse Him with strength -- because He is the strongest being there ever was or will be. I prayed that Evan would be filled with the joy of God's presence whenever he came into His house. It was short, it was simple, but when I said "Amen," Evan was standing up a little straighter.

We didn't clash for the rest of the day. When he was upset about something later in the day, he came to me and leaned his head against me.

I don't know much about Evan's background. I do know that his parents do not come to our church, though I've no idea if they go to another. But when he told me what was wrong, regardless of the reasons, my heart broke a little for him.

Who knows if I'll see Evan again after this week. But I will continue to pray for him. I hope that as small as what I did was, that it touched him in some little way. And I pray that my heart would continue to break for those who are like him, so that I never forget to intercede on their behalf.

I would love for you to pray with me.